How to be Assertive When Dealing with Difficult People

It's inevitable that at some point in our lives, we have to deal with difficult people.  No one has the right to make you do what you don’t want to do.

People who tend to be overly demanding, constantly pressuring you, belittling you, or making you feel inferior generally feel inferior themselves and want to dominate everyone around them.  Ultimately, the best way to deal with control freaks is to avoid them.  If contact with these people can't be avoided, the only way to stand your ground is to be assertive, not antagonistic. Here are some tips on how to be assertive in a positive way.

Tip #1 - Know Where You Stand

You have to have some kind of leverage when dealing with difficult people, and the only way to do so is to know your rights.  This gives you grounds to offer resolutions in an assertive -- not aggressive -- manner.  Aggressive confrontations tend to be viewed by the difficult person as threatening and go nowhere.  However, being assertive about your rights (i.e., "The employee manual says ... ") cannot be logically interpreted as a personal or threatening confrontations.

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Tip #2 - Don't Be Afraid to Say "No"

If the person who is troubling you is constantly manipulating you or demanding that you do things that you either do not want to do or that are not within your job description, you have to be able to stand up for yourself instead of constantly giving money or doing things that you honestly do not care to do.  When dealing with a difficult person, don’t be afraid to say "no" in an assertive fashion.  To be assertive, you need to have the ability to say "no" without feeling guilty about it.  Make sure your posture is straight and look the person in the eye. 

Tip #3 - Offering Positive Suggestions

Based on knowing where you stand, what your rights are and your ability to say no,  positive suggestions such as "I recognize and respect your decisions and choices and appreciate your considering me; however, this is not something that I want to do or will consider doing," may help you deal with a difficult person. Be assertive by standing tall, with your back straight and feet planted firmly.  Look the person in the eye.

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Tip #4 - Dealing with Completely Unreasonable, Irrational People

Some people will not listen to reason.  These types of difficult people may be pushy, disrespectful, untrustworthy, irrational, critical, or may even resort to trying to cause trouble for you if they don't get their way.  Do not welcome these types of people in your life. Associating with people who are compatible with the type of person you are is probably the easiest way to avoid difficult people!

"How to be Assertive When Dealing with Difficult People" contributed to Karl St. Claire