Why Men Cheat

The reasons why men cheat in a relationship are often different from the reasons that women cheat. A man’s reason for cheating can include genetics, a sense of challenge, lack of self esteem or boredom with the current relationship. While none are justifiable in a marriage, it might help couples recognize problem areas so that they can weather out potential storms.

Male Genetics May Lead to Infidelity

Although genetics may factor into why men cheat on their partner, a man might use this as a flimsy excuse for being unfaithful.  A theory exists that testosterone levels in men make them more susceptible to infidelity. This theory is based on the hypothesis that men are genetically predisposed to cheating because they are ingrained with the notion that the survival of the species is dependent on their procreation. While this may be true, it is certainly not a logical excuse for unfaithfulness in our age of overpopulation. Genetics may have been a more plausible reason for unfaithfulness in prehistoric times, when the sheer number of births into a tribe were important for the tribe's survival. Nowadays, in a truly loving relationship, a man should be able to control himself and remain faithful despite his hormonal urges to produce offspring. While the theory of man being predisposed to cheating may be true, men should be evolved enough in modern times to suppress their urges.

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A Need for Challenge

Another reason men cheat is because they enjoy the challenge of getting away with having an affair. To them, the affair is more about the conquest than anything else. While a man may enjoy the physicality of the affair, the pursuit and sneaking around part is more likely the drive. Men see their mistresses as accomplishments and they enjoy the logistics of orchestrating the affair without their partners' knowledge. The thrill of sneaking around and the fear of being caught creates an adrenaline rush that may be more important than the affair itself or current marriage.  Having multiple partners may also be part of a competitive thing going on with a man's friends.  Being a part of the competition satisfies a need for challenge.

A Boost for the Ego 

Many men also engage in affairs because doing so is an ego boost. Knowing that they can find multiple women willing to engage in an intimate relationship with them is a tremendous self esteem builder. These men might take pride in the ability to attract women and don’t care about the fact that doing so may destroy their current relationship. The excitement of the chase is just as important as the conquest itself. Sometimes just knowing that other women find them desirable is enough to boost the ego for some men, and they do not go all the way with a full fledged affair. In general, it is a lack of self esteem that drives men to affairs in order to confirm their attractiveness and desirability.

Unpleasant Relationships Lead to Infidelity

A man who comes home every night to hear nagging, complaining and criticism will eventually lose interest in his current relationship and may be driven to cheat on his partner. If the relationship has begun to wane and the man no longer feels the same attraction to his partner, he may seek out an affair out of sheer boredom with the hope of finding something more exciting and challenging elsewhere. While the wise thing may be to end the deteriorating relationship, many men opt to hold onto their current relationships and have outside affairs.  This situation can become very ugly when the other partner finds out and sues for divorce.  Having the affair while maintaining the unpleasant relationship may be because men  fear that they may not find what they are looking for and will be left lonely and without a partner at all, so they hold onto the failing relationship as a security measure.

Conclusion

Finding ways to keep a marriage stimulating and exciting is a challenge and a two-way street,  Both partners need to be up to the challenge if they wish to keep a happy marriage.  Understanding the "whys" of why men cheat may help ward of trouble before it happens.

"Why Men Cheat," contributed by Jeff Ottman