The Big Three Sources of Trouble in Marriage

If you're having trouble in your marriage, chances are the cause is money, sex or children. Knowing in advance that these subjects may fuel arguments is a good thing so that you and your spouse can make calm decisions now, before trouble erupts.

Financial Problems Tax Marriages

Money can be a tremendous source of tension and disagreements in a relationship. Many couples struggle with finances and this never-ending struggle creates tension in the relationship.  One way to alleviate the tensions associated with financial concerns is to make sure both partners are involved in financial matters. If only one partner is aware of the toll of certain monthly expenditures, the other may not understand why he or she cannot make impulsive purchases.  It is also important that couples share in decision making for large purchases. Sharing in these decisions will ensure that each partner has the opportunity to voice opinions and concerns, and to feel a part of the team. If both partners can set a family budget and stick to it, many arguments over money will be avoided.

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The Problem of Sex

Sex can also be a source of trouble in a relationship. Too much sex, not enough sex and sex that is too routine are common complaints in a relationship. Some of these battles may be avoided by scheduling sexual encounters on a regular basis. While it may sound unromantic, the truth is that with work, children and other responsibilities, there just isn’t time for sex unless it is scheduled ahead of time. Scheduling will ensure that the couple engages in physical contact every so often instead of letting this aspect of their relationship take a back seat to other obligations. Boring or routine sex is another common complaint in a relationship. You can keep things interesting by varying your routine every once in awhile and trying new things. You can also avoid problems related to sex in your relationship by discussing your likes and dislikes with your partner and encouraging your partner to be open with you about their likes and dislikes as well. Sex is a healthy and necessary part of a relationship but it can also be a source of bitter conflict in the relationship.

When Children Enter the Picture

Children are a blessing in a relationship but they can also be a source of many emotional battles. The most important issue with children is whether or not both partners are interested in having children in the first place. If only one of the partners desires to have children, then introducing children into the relationship can be a recipe for disaster and one partner may be resentful or chose to leave the marriage. If you are not both committed to having and raising children, then it is best to put off having children until you are both ready to be parents.

If children are already a part of the relationship, they can still cause problems. Arguments over disciplinary tactics are very common. The couple may not agree on how to discipline their child and this disagreement can not only be detrimental to the relationship but can also be confusing for the child. It is best to reach an agreement on how to discipline a child, and then both parents need to stick with the agreement.   

Money, sex and children can bring great joy or explosive fights.  The keys to dealing with these issues is to tread lightly and not force your opinions, discuss the issues before they become problems, and try to make the best of the existing situations without constant complaints.

"The Three Big Sources of Trouble in Marriage," contributed by Jeff Ottman